“If.” — The Spartans to Philip II of Macedon
Where ancient Athens loved beauty, Sparta loved austerity. They punished their bodies to prepare for war. They reviled opulence, figuring the poorer their city-state, the less likely it would be attacked. Their staple dish was black broth, a revolting concoction made of blood and boiled pigs’ legs. They even refused to build city walls for protection; defensive postures should be left to the effete Athenians.
This austerity extended even to words. While Athens wrote plays and philosophized ad nauseam, Sparta valued action over talk. The less a warrior spoke, the better, and thus was created the laconic phrase. Named for their home province of Lacedaemonia, these quips were blunt, terse, and often mysterious. Best to keep your enemies guessing.
Many laconic phrases were highlighted in the film 300. As Xerxes faced the small army at Thermopylae, he ordered the Spartans to surrender their weapons. Their reply was “come and get them.” The Persian warned that their arrows were so numerous, they would blot out the sun. “Then we shall fight in the shade,” the Spartans said.
More than a century after that famous stand, Philip II of Macedon (Alexander the Great’s dad) prepared to conquer all the Greeks. Most city-states simply gave up, but Sparta ignored the growing threat. This annoyed Philip, so he sent a messenger to Lacedaemonia with a dire warning:
“You are advised to submit without further delay, for if I bring my army on your land, I will destroy your farms, slay your people, and raze your city.”
Sparta focused on just one word in that threat and made the following reply:
“If.”
Philip decided the headache wasn’t worth it. Both he and Alexander focused on conquering the whole known world but avoided the city without walls.
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