“I am very old, and fortunate that someone so lovely as Abishag the Shunammite ministers to me every day. In another minute or two, she will be completed with her preparations and come to my bed. I will treasure the warmth and sweetness of her. You think that makes me happy? You think I’m at peace now with my Maker? Anything but. I am thinking of God now, and I am thinking of Saul. I think of Saul in his wordless gloom and torment every time I came to his chamber to play for him, and I realize as I remember that I never saw a sadder face on human being until a little while ago, when Abishag the Shunammite held a mirror up for me to see and I looked at mine.” — from God Knows, by Joseph Heller
One of my favorite books, God Knows, tells the story of King David from his perspective in his age. As Scripture relates, when David was an old man he was unable to stay warm, and so a beautiful young virgin was given to him to minister to him and keep him warm in his bed. In Heller’s book, David appreciates Abishag’s comeliness, but he only feels desire for Bathsheba, whose only desire is for her son Solomon to be king.
David tells his story (“I don’t like to boast — I know I boast a bit when I say I don’t like to boast — but honestly I think I’ve got the best story in the Bible.”), from his youth through the fight with Goliath and his relationship with Saul. He tells about Jonathan, Abigail, and Bathsheba. He tells his regrets, and he comments on Michaelangelo’s statue of him uncircumcised. The book is very very funny, and very wise, and very sad.
The book closes with one of the saddest sentences in literature:
I want my God back, and they send me a girl.
Later this morning I will be attending the funeral of a friend. I did not know him that well, I know his wife better, and used to participate in a homeschool co-op with his children, but we’d only met a few times. However, I know from one of my best friends who is very close with the family, that he did not die with regrets, other than that he would be leaving his children and wife unprotected in this dangerous world. But he himself was at peace with God. He never lost him.
Here is a video of my friend speaking about his trip to Lourdes. He was confident he would be healed, and instead he died, but all his trials increased his faith. Standing several distances removed, I could feel the holiness coming from the man and his family.
At the wake last night, at the funeral today, there is sorrow and weeping, but none of the ugly sharp regrets that David felt. Instead, there is love and comfort. May we all have such a holy and a good death.
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